The Big Day!!

The culmination of the past several weeks took place yesterday. It was my first Powerlifting meet. Something I never thought I would do - not in 100 billion years! I have never been an athlete, or even really athletically inclined. ....and yet, at age 42, I find myself in my first powerlifting competition, and actually winning my first trophy.

I've been living the last several weeks in denial that this was really gonna happen. Silly, I know, especially since I was doing the training for it, but it's just a game I play in my mind - and most of the time it works fairly well.

Yesterday, morning, I got up, showered, got dressed, then made myself a spinach, egg and feta scramble, then packed up some jerky and blueberries. A pretty typical morning....although, today, Patty picks me up. For the most part I was calm about the upcoming shenanigans, well, at least calm, until we got there. While we were waiting for this whole thing to start, Jonathan took Patty out, to distract her......I sat for about 5 minutes, then suddenly had to move, the nervous energy had popped into gear and I just couldn't sit there. Walked around a bit - then looked into the audience - there was the family. Mom, Dad, Paul, Mary, Mike, Sean......everyone. I went up to talk them, then suddenly, the whole thing overwhelmed me - nerves, the fact that they were all there to see me...(?), I just don't really know what all popped up, but it manifested itself in tears. Yep - there I was - tough girl. Standing in my ridiculous singlet, getting ready to lift a whole lotta weigh, and I was suddenly weeping. Sometimes, it sucks being a girl - and even worse, a girl that weeps when her stress level hits a certain point.....OY! Talk about feeling like a complete boob! (and of course that makes it even worse...so it's just an ugly, vicious circle!)

Finally, it's time to start. The squats were starting. Patty went first. Unfortunately the first round or so, I wasn't exactly what you would call uber-supportive of my fellow first timers - this was primarily because I was afraid if I said anything, the tears would start again (once they start - there is a certain timeframe that speaking is off limits if you ever want them to stop). Patty walked right up there and just rocked it, the Melissa nailed hers, and JC got his. My turn. Amazingly, once you get up there, it wasn't bad. It was far easier to tune out the whole world watching than I ever would have thought it would be. I did my first squat - 215. Apparently the depth was very borderline - possibly even, not quite quite there, but they gave it to me anyway. Second time up, I did 225. This time was better, although, I almost got redlighted again - this time the judge warned me to wait to rack until he said rack. DUH! Last round I went with 235, my current PR. This time, I hit my depth and actually waited for the judge to say rack. I realized I did this, and kind of wanted to give him the ol' high 5 - because I actually remembered. I wanted to - but I didn't actually do it, instead, I leaned over, with a big old shit-eatin' grin on may face and said "Woo-Hoo, I remembered to wait!!" I think this was about the point that I finally started to relax and actually enjoy myself.

Bench Press came next. We warmed up a bit, not as much as usual, and my highest warmup weight was 95. My starting weight was 140. I wasn't 100% sure on this one. I knew I shouldn't have any problem with it, but I didn't really feel warmed up by the time I got up there, and I just wasn't sure how long the pause would be. Silly me. Once I got up there - the 140 wasn't a problem. The pause was nice and short, much shorter than we'd been practicing. It actually felt good. Next round we went with 155, which again is my current PR, should be able to match it - and I did. Not too bad! It must have looked pretty strong, because when having to give the weight for round 3 - we upped the ante. Went to 165. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What was I thinking?? Actually, I think that was the problem, on round 3, I thought about the weight. That pretty much set off a chain reaction. My set up didn't feel quite right, then I brought the weight down - tried to bring it up - moved it maybe an inch - if that.....and nothing. It didn't drop back down, but it sure didn't go up! Drats! That's ok - at least I matched the PR, and I was going for 10 lbs more, which on bench is the equivalent of about 50 on anything else.

Deadlifts came up next, and these were the the most fun. I'm not certain why - but it was definitely a good time! When I got up there forthe first round, they called for another bar - and proceeded to put on the big gold plates. ZOIKS! That's only for super heavy things - the gold ones weigh 100 lbs each!! For some reason, I just didn't think I was gold plate worthy - apparently I was wrong. I started at 265, which was no problem. Second round 285 - again, it was pretty darn easy - shockingly so, for what really is alot of weight. Then round 3. As we were up trying to decide on the weight for this one, we were looking at the sheet and one of the judges recommended 140kg. - I looked at the sheet, and thought it said that equated to about 315 - but I wasn't sure. 315- would have been a big PR but I had that number in my head. Because the weight was 300 or more, I grabbed the weight belt. As it was time for me to put it on, we were suddenly notified that the person who was supposed to go ahead of me wasn't going to do a last lift. Jinkies, I better hurry!! I grabbed the assistance of Jonathan - I thought we were going with the first hole - nope - he said let's go with #2. Ummm..ok - is it ok if I can't breathe?? I walked up to the bar, and my eyes must have been bulging as much as my belly on either side of the belt. The judge looked at me and just said - take in all your air before you start....so I did. I don't know if it was the belt, the need to take the belt off, the awareness of the blub hanging over and under the belt, or just the need to breathe, but that was the easiest 300 I've ever lifted!! After I set the bar down, I went running over to Jonathan hands high in the air, running through my head was "I can't speak, get this thing offa me!!" Jonathan high 5's me, then realizes what I am really trying to say, and proceeds to help me get out of the belted contraption. This was actually, a very funny moment - at least I think so. As it turns out, 140 kg - is actually only 308 - so 3 lbs over my previous PR, and not the 315 that I thought it was, but that's ok.

In the end, and overall - this was a great experience - despite the stress and tears in the beginning. It's something I never thought I would ever do - and yet, I did it, and did it pretty well, I think, for a first timer. A big thanks for the help and encouragement to Jonathan, Patty and the whole DEFY! gang....and to my family, it turns out it was pretty cool having everyone there! Have I mentioned that I have a pretty darn great family?? The whole experience was good enough that I would consider doing it again - although next time, I will NOT be in the heavyweight division, if it kills me I will be outta there!

Short trip to Reality-ville.

Much as I love living in the lovely land of Denial - I think it's time to face the reality of this Powerlifting competition, that I seem to have signed up for.

I've been going to the "gettin' stronger" workouts, Patty has kept reminding me that we need to go to the store to buy our "oh so fashionable" singlets almost daily - so you would think that denial land would be in the far distance. Not so much, my affection for the land of Denial is not something to be taken lightly. That being said - I also know there is no backing out at this point.

So - my thoughts on the whole thing......

1. I need to lose 7 lbs before the competition - I'm not sure why this is kind of a big deal to me - but I do NOT want to be in the "heavyweight" division. This is mental stigma for me - I believe it stems from watching my brothers wrestle in high school, and when they didn't drop below the heavyweight division - they had to deal with some monsters!! So, since coming back from North Dakota, I've been really watching what I eat - so far successfully (ok, it's only been 2 days...) So, my first competition goal - is to avoid the heavyweight division.

2. Deadlifts - Ironically, I'm feeling best about the DL's overall. I think my biggest fear is that I'll pull so hard, and put so much into it that I will have a bit of an "oops" moment.....which will throw me off and I'll dump the bar. Doesn't happen much anymore, but when it does, I have to say, I do get a bit discombobulated.

3. Squats - I'm having issues with the squats. I can go heavy - but for some reason, when I go below parallel with 180+, I tend to relax at the bottom. I'm not sure why this happens, but I can kind of equate the feeling to finding the balance point when you're upside down on the rings. I know it's not good. But when I focus on keeping everything tight the whole way - I'm not making it quite down far enough.....when I'm not that focused on keeping things tight, I can go low, but I hit that relaxation point. Bizarre - I think I must be a bit of a freak with this. So, need to work on that the next couple weeks.

4. Bench - I'm in a big freakin' rut. I have definitely not hit a max in about a year. In fact, I think it was probably close to a year ago that I hit 150. Since then I've hit 155 twice. Kinda sad. Tonight, the bench felt terrible - just off, which bums me out, because I went in thinking I was gonna rock it out. My shoulder felt better than it has in a while - no twinges or tweaks. I felt good!.....but alas, it was just not to be a good BP day.

5. UGHHH - the outfit. I don't know what psychopath decided that everyone had to wear singlets, but that is really just cruel and unusual punishment - especially out in public. Sheesh, my biggest nightmare is that I'll look like a big blob of stuffed sausage...or a pumpkin type figure with a large protruding belly with two boobs sitting on top. Just not a pretty picture. I think, I can delude myself into believing I look better than I do, as long as I don't see any pictures. Pictures have an evil way of booting you out of denial land and giving you a hard dose of reality.

I guess I just hope I can figure out why the heck I'm in such a chronic state of no improvement on my BP and my Squat, and if I'm gonna do this competition, at least make a decent show of it.

On another note, I go to the Endocrinologist on Tuesday, to see what is up with my thyroid meds suddenly going all wonky. We'll see if I can get that straightened out before 2010. Maybe something in my thyroid/endocrine system is holding me back.....probably not, but it's a thought......something.

DRATS! I know - it's just an excuse. Nevermind - disregard that last sentence, I refuse to make excuses. Excuses are just crap, and a way of deluding yourself into thinking that you are better than you are. So no excuses, it is what it is, and I'll just have to figure out why.

UGGGHHHH......oh yeah - and here's what I do know.

So, it's been a while. Too long.  There's been all kinds of things going on.  Mostly heavy lifting...with this meet thing, coming up, it's been a focus.  Not to mention, with a mass of gym deserters recently, I want to be kickass!!  So, I've been following the "gettin' Stronger" workouts fairly closely.  I've found good things and bad things that I do.

1. Deadlifts - Now that I've had my "AHA" moment, I just need to keep that in mind.  The good news - I pulled a 305...and while it still had a hitch - it wasn't squirrelly like the first time I pulled 300.  Baby steps, right?

2. Back Squats - I still haven't hit the 235 max again.  But, I did find that when going down low - below parallel, when the weight gets heavy, I'll relax at the bottom of the squat.  That's not so good.    I'm working on not doing that.  I got 1 good one in at 225.  Went for the 2nd, but that was a no-go.

3. Bench Press - my bench is off.    I think a major part of it is the hitch in my arm. Melissa worked out a big knot in my shoulder, and I rearranged my office.  The hitch appears to be a bit better - only time will tell though.

The only Crossfit metcon workout that I've done recently is "the Chief".  This was on Patty's birthday, which was an awesome day.   My goal was to beat my previous score of 15.    Jonathan was persuaded by Patty to do this with us.  I did my best to pace myself with him - which worked really well for the first round...then it slowly fizzled.  I ended up getting in 16 rounds plus a single clean.  So I was quite happy with that.

Now to the frustration that was today.  I have to admit, and I'm not certain why - but today was an epically frustrating day.  Probably the most frustrated I've been - and I think it's because 

1. I was awake  WAY too early this morning

2. some big allergy thing blew up overnight, and I've been sneezing and snorting all day - which irritates the hell outta me.

3. I can't get the oly lifts quite right......no matter how much I try.  I know what needs to be done, but my body won't do it.

....at that point, I was getting so frustrated..I couldn't do anything.  I know the frustration was apparent, but there was nothing I could do.  I just need to figure these out.  Oly lifts and pullups - I'm almost beginning to think I'll never get either of them.

Kinda hard to be "kickass" with that mentality though.....shake it off.  Tomorrow is another day.

Running is fun....but I LOVE TGU's!

Yesterday we did Helen (400m run, 21 kettlebell swings-16 kg, 12 pullups-3 rounds) , I was with Patty and Mary who, unlike me, far prefer running over jumping rope.  So, despite being given the option, I couldn't feel left out, so I went with majority rules. UGH!  The last time I did regular, running Helen, I finished in 14:40.  Today...14:55.  Yep, added 15 seconds on. Pullups were Red bands, high bar, as opposed to Blue bands, but still......  No big deal, I know my issue is with the running thing.  Cripes! I really dislike running.  I'm really gonna work on bonding with it....I will keep telling myself..."I love running, running is great, running is fun..." I will envision myself doing really well before a workout, to try to get that psychological bump going that, yes, indeed, I can do it and do it well.   Let's try that.....see how that works.

Today - Turkish Getups. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.....I think these are the coolest!

I did much better than I thought I would today.  Warming up, I wasn't really certain if I was feeling the Turkish love.  We did 5 rounds for max weight.  My last PR was 1 arm at 60 lbs, with a barbell. I did them all with the barbell again, because they just look so impressive!

Round 1 - 45#  

Round 2 - 55#  got it, but faltered a bit balance wise at the top and on the knee descent-right side

Round 3 - 60#

Round 4 - 65#- again, I got it, but faltered on the knee descent, not sure which arm though.

Round 5 - 70# - failed completely on the left. SUCCESS with the right arm.

Overall - VERY happy with the results, even if the 70 was a bit lopsided.  Still a big PR.

Forewarning...I'm about to get blabby. 

This morning, as I was laying in bed deciding whether to get up or not (it wasn't even 7am-on a Saturday, that is definitely something to think about).  Into my head popped this big debate on the pluses and minuses of the competing and comparing yourself with others.  I think I'm typing it up now, because it has been weighing on my brain for quite a while.

On the positive side, when you compete with those around you,  you tend to push yourself harder than you may otherwise, which can bring around excellent times, PR's, etc.  Which increases confidence amongst other things.

On the "not so positive" side, it can also do the exact opposite.   At the end of the Filthy 50 last time, I just didn't care who beat me timewise, I just wanted to get through it.  Of course afterwards, it was a bit different.  The "new" girl kicked my butt!  What was that?  She has some nerve!  Well, taking a step back, in reality, I didn't know her background, where she was coming from, what she had done before, etc.  All of that makes a difference when trying to compare yourself.  I was talking to one friend who was feeling particularly frustrated after a workout.  The main issue was that she was comparing herself to everyone around her, and not feeling like she did as well as she should have.  In this case, she has only been coming for a month or two, and came from a background that did not include anything close to this physical in years.  In the end, she was comparing herself not to her previous scores, but to everyone else. While she should have seen how much better she did, than when she started, how far along she had really come, all she saw was that she was last, and finished with a higher time (not taking into account the higher weights on several elements).  Unfortunately this is an easy trap to get into, and in reality everyone falls into it once in a while.  But it can definitely be a confidence basher when you do go there.

I have also done the compete thing in my head for the heavy lifts.  I have finally come to the conclusion that for me, at least, all it does is mess me up.   I get far too into my head, focus more on what the other person is doing than on what I am doing, and it's just not as much "fun". ....and it's the "fun" that keeps us coming back isn't it?  The last month or two, I've tried to stay focused on my performance and just trying to do a bit better each time, and not looking at or caring what everyone else has done, and overall, I think I've performed better for it.

This was alot of my morning thoughts today - just thought I would share because, I know there are people struggling with the comparison thing, including me.  But I think focusing on myself and my abilities is going to be my new overall mentality, and I know I'm alot happier for it.