UGGHH, ARGHHH, and a whole lotta expletives!

I'm not sure what to think these days.    I am having a terrible month mentally.  I am feeling extremely down and frustrated, and I am just not sure what to do.  I think every other time I've been frustrated, I've been able to come up with a plan to get through it, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but just having a strategy has helped.  This time, I just don't know what to do.  Everything is either staying right where it is or getting worse.  Zero improvement since January.  Ok, I'll give ya the 8 or 9 lbs on the deadlift, but that is about it.  I don't know if I've repressed frustration for 11 months and it's all hitting me, or if when I actually looked up my last PR's got to me mentally, or if it's that I am stagnating while everyone around me is going gangbusters.  Either way, I just don't know what to do. I hate the fact that when one of my friends gets a PR, one of the emotions I feel is jealousy.....that ain't right, and it's not who I want to be.  In everything else I've done, I've always hit a point and ended up wallowing in mediocrity.  Maybe that's my fear....with no improvement, I will end up in the usual state of mediocrity, and I don't want to be there.  This is something I want to be successful at, be it the weight loss aspect or the performance.  If I can't have one, I want the other, and I don't feel like I'm getting enough of either right now.  
I'm only adding this, so that when I look back in a month, two, a year, etc. I know my mental state.  I know it's not helping anything,  I just need to find a way out of this rut, pull myself up by the bootstraps and move on.    That being said, here's the last couple of days:

Friday: Bench press 10-8-6-4-2  
10-115, 8-120, 6-125, 4-130, 2-140.   Tried 145 for 2, only got 1.  Tried 155 to match the PR, failure.  Did a set of negatives.  Not much to say here - unimpressive.

Monday: - 3 front squats - 115/145/165x2
                  3 shoulder presses  95/105/110
I thought I did ok these until I saw what I did last time, where I got 1 at 175 on the front squats and 2 at 110.  This was back in April.  That was a bit depressing.

Tuesday: "Heavy Helen"  
200 meter run
15 Kettlebell swings (24 kg)
9 weighted pullups (25 lbs)
3 rounds for time 
Huh.  Looking at this just now, I did it wrong and have been doing it wrong.  I swear it was 15/12/9 of the Kettlebell swings and pullups - which is how I did it.  I did the pullups in a red and mini band, dead hang.  Most got over the bar, mostly.  I finished it, doing it my way - in 15:30 - a full 6 minutes more than last time, but last time I was kipping the pullups.

Today:
Power cleans from the hang: 3-3-3    85/95/100
Power cleans from the floor: 3-3-3    100/110/115
Full oly cleans: 3-3-3     95/105/115
About the same as last time. I think the hang cleans may have been 5 lbs heavier.   Nothing fabulous.   Yes, I know form wise they look better....that's about all I can say. 

back in the saddle

Saturday was a FANTASTIC day!! We did one of the all time funnest workouts ever, yes, that would be  the redneck fantasy workout of  Yoke walkin' car pushin' & tire flippin'!!  Pure fun! After playin' around a bit, and testing each one out, we did the course for time!  Before going into how I did, let me mention a couple things: 1. The yolk walkin' course is longer and 2. Although you can't see it, there is definitely more of an uphill on the car pushin', and I believe it might be a hair bit longer.
Believe me or not about the uphill and distance, fact of the matter is, I as well as everyone else, added a good 2 minutes to our previous times. Yoke walkin' I did with a 24kg kettlebell attached to each side.  Although the distance was longer, I think my time for that was still ok, probably a little over a minute.  Then came the car pushin'.  From the post to the last cone - first direction - not so bad, a bit long, but not terrible.   Then the other direction. This is where the shoe drops, and those very large hills, invisible to the naked eye, come out to play.  Car pushin' is where I spent the vast majority of my time.  I actually had to push the opposite way, with my butt on the car  for a while. OY! It really was a sleeper hill - you don't know it's there until it jumps out and grabs ya!  Tire flippin', I did the girl tire -2 up 2 back - not a huge issue.  Total time was 5:04.  Yep, just checked, at the old place, I finished in 3:02 - that is definitely a full 2 minutes added, not to mention, that I only had to do 2 tire flips each way this time instead of 3.  I'm telling ya - the level of difficulty was much higher on the car push!!  Either way - this workout still rocks!! 

Monday - Heavy Helen.  I LOVE this version of Helen. The weighty girls are so much better!
Heavy Helen is 200m run, 15 KB swings 24kg, and 9 pullups weighted (ok, for me in the bands, go figure!!)  3 rounds for time.  I did this using a mini and a red, probably should have gone a bit lighter, I just wasn't certain about my strength with the tail end of this cold and not having done pullups in a week.  The run was ok....my heel/plantar fascitis (my diagnosis) thingy was hurting a bit so I was running like a lopsided fool.  But I did it, then I powered through the swings - on these, I went to my happy place, so that I could just get through 15.  Then came the pullups. I did them in sets of 3 or 4.   I ended up finishing in 9:25, taking a minute off my last time.  So this was good - but I think I need to take some of the bands off for the pullups next time.

Today was Powercleans.  The uber frustrating powercleans.  I started slow on these, because form is always an issue.  I concentrated pretty hard on the "keep  your arms straight" part, trying to avoid the whole "you're pulling too early" thing that I usually hear.  I started at 75 - and heck if I didn't get a "pretty good"...huh?  really?? ok - so that was a light weight.  Next 95 lbs.  What did you say?? Do I need to clean my ears out? because that sure didn't sound like "too early"....Holy moly, what is this wave coming over me?? This fabulousness that says "by George, I think she's got it!!"???  I knew that feeling for a fleeting moment tonight.  Then we added weight, and I jumped right into 115.   Apparently my first one was ok - but it was heavier than I anticipated, and I acknowledged that weight.  That's when the weight beat me.  It got in my head and after several attempts, I managed to knock out 2 more really messy ugly ones.  Next round - went back down to 100 - these were good.  Then back up slowly - 105, I got in one decent one, the next two, I did some weird landing.  I think I need to start working these at 105 now.....since that seems to be where I lose form.   On the plus side, all of the 95 lbs Thrusters, Cleans and everything else I've been doing seem to have helped the form overall.  So that's good!!

A Fine week!

Annie: 50/40/30/20/10   Double Unders, Situps.
I had more fun doing Annie than I think I ever have.   Me, Tricia, Melissa and Cheri with her Kettlebells were all in a race against each other, which, with Double unders can be a bit comical.  None of us are experts at the silly things, we can string together as may as 6 or 7, but in most cases it's 2 maybe 3.   We all finished within about 30 seconds of each other....Melissa was the big winner, finishing at 13:42.  I finished
13:49, which took a full minute off of my last time, so I was happy with that.  Strangely enough, I had a harder time with the situps than I think I have ever had.  Perhaps it has to do with residual lunge pain from my Saturday Lunges......hmmm???

Overhead Press/Front Squat 3/3/3 -My press is right where my bench is.  Stuck....perpetually stuck.  I did the first round at 105, second round I went a bit aggressive and tried 115 - Ummmm..nope, nothin!  Not a chance in hell. So much for wishful thinking!  Last round I went down to 110 and got 2.  Kind of sad.  Front Squats on the other hand, I did first round at 135, second at 155, and last round I went a bit more aggressive, at 175.  I only got 1 in. Not stellar, but the 175 was a PR.  My previous was 2 at 165, so at least that's something.

Heavy Helen: 200m run, 15 KB swings 24 kg, 9 pullups weighted.  I've never been a Helen fan, so this was a good change.  I would much rather go heavy with the weights and reduce the running.  It's just a running thing - hate it with a red hot passion.  The Kettlebells were heavy - much heavier than the 16 kg that I'm used to, but still not bad - I didn't break them up at all.  They weren't quite as high or pretty, but it's really the first time I've used the "boy weight" Kettlebell, for more than a swing or two.    Pullups were not weighted. They can't be weighted until I can actually do one.  So, I was in a red band and a mini, and kipping.  I ended up finishing in 10:27, I believe it was.  I think I'm a Heavy Helen fan - but she would be better without the running, just gotta say.    Afterwards we did Handstand practice - not handstand pushups, just doing the handstand.  It was uber fun. I have to admit, the most intimidating part is actually getting into the handstand position from standing.  A gymnast, I am not.  However, today, unlike last week, I was able to squelch any reservations and just do it.   My positioning was off, and I never came close to the wall, so I was kind of free-standing - with a bit of help to stay balanced.  Cheri R kicked butt!!!  She did not want to do this.....was in near panic mode, close to tears, shaking, giggling hysterically, to the point, I was afraid she was about to hightail it the hell outta there.   She didn't - and she actually overcame her fear and did it.  Of course once she did that, she was enamored, and wants to keep working them.  Way to go Cheri !! That was AWESOME!!

I FINALLY have my appointment for the Endoscopy, to find out once and for all, whether I have Celiac or not.  It's not until Sept. 8, but it's on the books.  The annoying part, is that I have keep eating gluten food until then, so breads, pasta, etc. are all good.  Well, tell me something is good, anything, and for me it's a free-for all.  I'm just ready to go back to eating the way I've determined I need to.....no bread/pasta etc...UGH! I guess it's only 10 days away.

Helen and some new things.....some painful new things

Saturday was Helen - I've never been a fan of Helen - too much running, but I did kind of want to give it a shot with my new banded kipping move.  I ended up getting through the run torture, and finishing in 15:20 or so.  This time it was the run that took so long.  My pullups weren't uber-fast, but I soooo did not feel the run.   Overall, it was a good day though.

Today was a new diabolical one.  Overhead lunges - 100 for time.  The ridiculous amount of weight to do this as prescribed is 95 lbs for women. HA!! As stated, ridiculous!  I decided I was going to try it at 50lbs, since I didn't really have a starting point, and 100 is alot.  We aren't looking at a mere 20 or even 50.  100.   That is a plethora of lunges even without weight!!  My biggest worry was the balancing thing - because you have 50 lbs held high over your head, while lunging.  By held high over your head, it's not just resting on your back, it's lifted way up over your head, with your shoulders tight and arms locked out straight.   Just an element of pain and difficulty.

So I was going to start at 50, but naturally in my head, that seemed wimpy, so when Jonathan said, "oh, go throw a couple 5' s on there, you can always go down, but most people never go up in the middle of a workout",  I went with it.  60 lbs it was.   In my head, I was going to do 5 sets of 20.  Then we started.  Nope, I got to about 7 then decided I was going to do 10 sets of 10.  At about #48 or so, I lunged forward with my left leg, went to push back up, and it just wasn't going, in fact, it kind of slipped out from underneath me, so I chucked the bar forward, and fell back on my butt!  If I wasn't so tired, I would have busted out laughing because I can just imagine how ridiculous it looked.  On the plus side, I actually DID drop the bar.  The final 20 or so were slow, and my left leg at times just didn't want to bend, it knew what was coming and was fighting the move.  Who knew my leg had a mind of it's own??  In the end I got through it.  Stayed with the 60 lbs through the whole thing, and finished in 16:15.  I can foresee great pain in my future because of this one!!

We tried a new thing during warmups.  L sit on the paralette bars.  My first try was one leg out, one curled under a bit.  The next try, I actually did it.  It wasn't exactly high up on the bars, and when done I kind of flumped down on my butt, but I held it for about 5 seconds!  The coolest part was that there seemed to be a bit of surprise that I could do even that, Rich even made a comment to me, something like "you always amaze me".  I thought was pretty cool, because he's been around enough athletic people that I consider that a pretty big compliment.  YAY!

Ouch....a plan.....and the freakin' pullups!

Yes, I am a hypocrite - I've been nagging at Patty because she's been neglecting her blog - BADLY!....and here I am, slackin' away.  Back away from the Facebook addiction!  Just take a step back.....you can do it...

Week 2 after the Hawaii trip - things are getting better, but not quite back to normal.

Monday:

Jumping Squats/Overhead Press 35#: 50/40/30/20/10 - the one workout that is very consistent in it's painful after effects.  I definitely felt this one in my endurance.  The first 20 or so, kind of bugged my ankle a bit (I believe I've got some tendinitis flaring a bit, not in last year's ankle, but the other one.).  After the first 20 or so it seemed a bit better.  I finished this is 16:54 - 8 seconds longer than the last time.  Doesn't seem so good - but last time, it was just me and Joe G, so I was trying to keep up with him, and it was when I was rockin' everything out. So, overall, I'm ok with the time. I definitely have a love hate with this one. Hate it when doing it....love the feeling right after - hate the effects 2 days later.

Tuesday:

Bench Press: 12/12/12/12 - Huge relief that this is not a big leg workout.  We have never done sets of 12 - so I wasn't really sure where to go with this one.  I like to think I can Bench Press with the big boys...but not so much, which, I guess is ok, since I'm a girl! :)  

I can't tell you how I did, good, bad or ugly, because I just don't really have a line to base it off of.  I did 95 / 115/120 (10, then 2), 115 (10, then 1).  

I've decided that I think I'm shootin' for 185 by the end of the year, or if I do actually compete in November - by then.  I think 185 for a girl is pretty darn good. 

Today:

Jumpin' Helen - 200 jumps, 21 KB swings (16kg), 12 pullups (red bands/highbar) - 3 rounds.

Well........ I cruised through the jumps, and my KB swings felt awesome - I think they were downright good, form wise, I could be wrong.  Not sure what that was all about, but they definitely felt good.  Then onto pullups.   Pullups.......are slow.  I'm not certain why they have gotten so slow - my only thought, guess....is that I've gotten to the point that I won't let myself just jump, and play on the momentum.  Instead I am doing one - maybe two at a time. Taking the big deep breath before I do them, then making sure I have enough to actually either get over the bar or come to what I perceive as "close to over".  I don't know if this is good or bad.  My time (15:54)  increased by at least a full minute over last time we did jumpin' Helen, but I know I'm not bouncing through the pullups.  So, I just don't know...I think the pullups are confusing me, because it's basically the same modifications - but how much I'm jumping, how much I'm pulling, am I REALLY getting over the bar, etc...are so subjective at the time.  I think I'm working harder on them, to actually make them closer to legit, but in reality, I'm not certain.

Freakin' pullups....

Now, in other pullup news, I tried the regular pullup grip dead hang in the blue bands yesterday, and they weren't bad at all. ....yes, I broke my vow and stepped back into the big blues to see where I was with the different grip.  Shocking, I know!

Today, I tried it in the red bands and was able to get one or two in, again with the "pullup" grip.   

Again, I say.....Freakin' pullups....

This bear is ready to hibernate

Ok, I admit it I'm pretty much ready for a couple days off.  Between working out 6 days a week for the last 4-6 weeks, and work stress,  I'm just toast.    I don't really feel bad, but it was really apparent Saturday when we did Helen.  I got the suckiest time I've ever gotten - more than 17 minutes.  I don't think it was the run or the kettlebell swings, it was all in the pullups.  Yes, I was in minis, and I paused between each pullup long enough to know that I was actually working on them, and pulling each time.  But cripes, I added 3 or 4 minutes to my time!! So much for the days of vast improvements!!  My own fault.  Despite being REALLY good at resting on Sundays, it probably isn't enough.  So, I'll push through this week, then take some time off while on vacation.

Today we did the BEAR!! UGH!! Somehow, I've managed to only have to do this one once before.  The bear is a mishmosh of squats/presses/cleans.....all kinds of fun.  Basically you do a power clean, then front squat/overhead press, down to back squat, up to overhead press and back down.

Doesn't sound so bad.....for one rep.    The big problem with this one, is that you have to do that whole barbell complex 7 times - without ever letting the bar rest on the ground.   Then do that set of 7 - 5 times!! OY VAY!  I did 3 sets at 85 lbs, and 2 sets at 75 lbs.   I only cheated by sitting on the butt-ball once - the bad part - I couldn't figure out how to get back up - so that was a bit of a pathetic one.  My total score was 405. 

Could I have gone higher for a round or two....possibly, but I know for a fact that I definitely could have gone lower!!

Actually, next time, I am going to have to go higher, that skinny chick in the video Patty posted did more weight than me - so thinking about it, I'm a bit of a wuss!!

dipping and punching with my eyes closed....

So - in 2 days, I've found 2 things that I don't do so well.

Yesterday was 7 rounds of 10 Sumo Deadlift High Pulls 65#/Ring dips.   Last time I did this one, I was on the bars for the dips.   What a difference the bars make!  I feel like I have pretty good range of motion on the bars with the foot assist - if not all the way there, pretty close. This is unlike doing the dips with no foot assist!! I can semi-do them, but there's a limited range of motion, and trying to do 70, they would end up as elbow bends, this...I know!  So last night I did them on the rings, with foot assist.  Overall, I would say I achieved somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2 range of motion.  I don't think I was close to going all the way, the stability thing on the rings adds a very large degree of difficulty.  I ended up finishing in 11:10.  Longer than it took last time on the bars, but understandable.  The high pulls were no problem, did all 7 sets non stop.  I think I'd be happier with this one, if I thought my dips were something to be proud of.  They aren't quite there yet.

Today was Fightin' Helen - 3 rounds of 200 heavy bag punches, 21 KB swings 16kg, 12 pullups. I completed this in 10:23.  Pullups on the high bar with 45 lb weight beneath - more bounce per ounce!   My punching bag form is not so good.  I would compare it to my running form, when we are doing sled drags.  Anyone who witnessed that can attest to the fact that it was all over the place.  I've come to the conclusion that, apparently I don't have much of a truly aggressive streak in me - the punches to the bag, would not have cause a guinea pig to bruise.  Not to mention, I think I had my eyes shut each time I actually hit the bag - I know I was blinking a heck of alot!  Apparently I do have my girly tendencies!

Running is fun....but I LOVE TGU's!

Yesterday we did Helen (400m run, 21 kettlebell swings-16 kg, 12 pullups-3 rounds) , I was with Patty and Mary who, unlike me, far prefer running over jumping rope.  So, despite being given the option, I couldn't feel left out, so I went with majority rules. UGH!  The last time I did regular, running Helen, I finished in 14:40.  Today...14:55.  Yep, added 15 seconds on. Pullups were Red bands, high bar, as opposed to Blue bands, but still......  No big deal, I know my issue is with the running thing.  Cripes! I really dislike running.  I'm really gonna work on bonding with it....I will keep telling myself..."I love running, running is great, running is fun..." I will envision myself doing really well before a workout, to try to get that psychological bump going that, yes, indeed, I can do it and do it well.   Let's try that.....see how that works.

Today - Turkish Getups. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.....I think these are the coolest!

I did much better than I thought I would today.  Warming up, I wasn't really certain if I was feeling the Turkish love.  We did 5 rounds for max weight.  My last PR was 1 arm at 60 lbs, with a barbell. I did them all with the barbell again, because they just look so impressive!

Round 1 - 45#  

Round 2 - 55#  got it, but faltered a bit balance wise at the top and on the knee descent-right side

Round 3 - 60#

Round 4 - 65#- again, I got it, but faltered on the knee descent, not sure which arm though.

Round 5 - 70# - failed completely on the left. SUCCESS with the right arm.

Overall - VERY happy with the results, even if the 70 was a bit lopsided.  Still a big PR.

Forewarning...I'm about to get blabby. 

This morning, as I was laying in bed deciding whether to get up or not (it wasn't even 7am-on a Saturday, that is definitely something to think about).  Into my head popped this big debate on the pluses and minuses of the competing and comparing yourself with others.  I think I'm typing it up now, because it has been weighing on my brain for quite a while.

On the positive side, when you compete with those around you,  you tend to push yourself harder than you may otherwise, which can bring around excellent times, PR's, etc.  Which increases confidence amongst other things.

On the "not so positive" side, it can also do the exact opposite.   At the end of the Filthy 50 last time, I just didn't care who beat me timewise, I just wanted to get through it.  Of course afterwards, it was a bit different.  The "new" girl kicked my butt!  What was that?  She has some nerve!  Well, taking a step back, in reality, I didn't know her background, where she was coming from, what she had done before, etc.  All of that makes a difference when trying to compare yourself.  I was talking to one friend who was feeling particularly frustrated after a workout.  The main issue was that she was comparing herself to everyone around her, and not feeling like she did as well as she should have.  In this case, she has only been coming for a month or two, and came from a background that did not include anything close to this physical in years.  In the end, she was comparing herself not to her previous scores, but to everyone else. While she should have seen how much better she did, than when she started, how far along she had really come, all she saw was that she was last, and finished with a higher time (not taking into account the higher weights on several elements).  Unfortunately this is an easy trap to get into, and in reality everyone falls into it once in a while.  But it can definitely be a confidence basher when you do go there.

I have also done the compete thing in my head for the heavy lifts.  I have finally come to the conclusion that for me, at least, all it does is mess me up.   I get far too into my head, focus more on what the other person is doing than on what I am doing, and it's just not as much "fun". ....and it's the "fun" that keeps us coming back isn't it?  The last month or two, I've tried to stay focused on my performance and just trying to do a bit better each time, and not looking at or caring what everyone else has done, and overall, I think I've performed better for it.

This was alot of my morning thoughts today - just thought I would share because, I know there are people struggling with the comparison thing, including me.  But I think focusing on myself and my abilities is going to be my new overall mentality, and I know I'm alot happier for it.