I did manage to get to the gym once when I was in Hawaii. Now, I was a bit dazed, lost and confused among the cardio and weight machines - just not sure where to go with them anymore. They did have a bunch of dumbbells though - so I thought I would do something with Renegade Rows. Well, these were some funky-ass dumbells - huge ends, which made the RR's really awkward. I did 10 of them then moved on. I did 25 goblet squats, 25 situps and 10 pushups. I can't remember if I did 3 or 4 sets - then did 5 TGU's per side. That was the extent. Did I have the "crossfit intensity" ...ummm, not really. But I was the only one working out on the floor and not on a machine - so I guess that's something.
While only getting to the actual workout facility once, I was able to get in little bits and pieces of workout here and there. In the pool - there were bridges, I would jump up and try to do pullups - yep, looked like a fool, but that's ok. We all went to a local bar one night, and yes, liquid refreshment was flowing rather freely. To top it off - this was a karaoke bar. Ok - I don't sing - but I am all about being a back up dancer. Just call me K-Fed! While a local hawaiian was singing away to "stayin' alive" , I broke out my best disco dance moves. Yep, I did the backbend dance. The only way to describe this incredibly awesome move is to say it's a backbend - then you alternately lift one arm, then the next as the music plays. Apparently, I tend to be more flexible after some tasty libations too!! After that nifty dance move, I attracted the local drunk guy - shocking, I know!! He decided to do the stare you in the eye, wiggle his ass, and slowly move down thing until he's down low.... Did I do what any sane person would do, and say "YUCK" and run?? Oh, heck no!! I knew this was a prime opportunity to show off my fancy squat moves, so I went with it. Even when I got tired, and wanted to quit - did I quit?? Again, not a chance!! This drunk wasn't gonna win - I'm a crossfit chick! So, something to be proud of - I was also able to out squat dance the local drunk. AWESOME!
Next comes the hike from hell. The trail is 4 miles round trip - the guidebooks say to plan on 3-4 hours. It's a rough uphill for the first part of it, after that it levels off. Now - here is a caveat - at no time did this lovely guidebook say that you had to walk over a bunch of boulders, with a steep drop off waiting for you to plunge to your death at any time. So, I naively entered the trail. At first, just a bunch of boulders, and rocks ...almost like a cobbled walk that's been upheaved several times. Not so bad - downright doable at first. Then, it gets steeper. Ok - still ok, although, I am not so good at playing mountain goat, so I scrambled up a bit on all 4, using hands and feet all at once. The higher we go - the more steep the drop off on the right. We cross the waterfall - yep, got through the part where there is a waterfall (albeit a small one), falling over the rocks and boulders that you are walking on - still with a steep drop a mere footstep or two to the right. At this point, I was sweating profusely, not much to grip onto, because the rock wall to the left was all wet and slimy. Still - I sucked it up and went on. Moved past that a couple feet, I was getting to the point where it was getting difficult to supress the pure fright that was threatening to overcome me. At this point, Sean says - "Do it for Patty! You can do it!" So, I did - I moved up another 20 feet or so, I looked up, and it looked like this particularly nasty part of the trail was ending. Then I saw it. A big monster boulder on the left - there was no way I could maneuver through it - the only way to get past it was to take the tiny little 6 inch path right on the edge of the perilous drop off. That's it - the terror won. I crumpled onto the nearest rock and wept in sheer terror. I sat frozen on that rock for a good 5 minutes unable to move, just weeping and sweating profusely. All kinds of people passed on by, checking to see if I was ok...did I fall? Nope....just that old fear of heights that I had forgotten about. I saw 60 year old ladies hike on by, 12 year old boys, everything in between! I just sat and wept. When I was finally able to move, Sean walked me back down - very slowly to the bottom. I don't think I have ever sweat so much in my life - not because it was hot, or hard work, but out of pure fear. Let me tell ya - terror sweat - doesn't smell so good - I will not lie - the best deodorant in the world couldn't save that stench!
I have to admit, I kind of felt like a bit of a loser, and was beating myself up a bit about not getting to the top. Sean and I were talking and he was pretty darn sure that now that I'd been on the trail before, if we did it again, I could make it. I wasn't quite as sure as him, but I did start to believe it. So when the opportunity came up to do it again, with some of the others on the trip, I was game - after all - I am a crossfit chick - I can do anything, right?
Well, apparently, not. I didn't even make it to the same point. I guess it had been quite a while since I've tested my fear of heights, and now that I had, it was going to come on bigger, badder and stronger than ever. The second time, I did make it past the waterfall - but not by much. As my panic was rising to the top, I paused, hugged my rock wall to the left. Then glanced over to see a gigantic, nasty ass spider right by my left shoulder. AKKK!!! Normally in this situation, I would haul ass away from it...run top speed as far away as I could get. Unfortunately, at this point, that wasn't an option - boulders on the up path, boulders on the down path and a sheer cliff drop off straight ahead. So what did I do?? Yep - just what any formidable cross fit chick would do. I crumpled to the ground away from the offending spider and wept like a baby. Back down the mountain I went. Well, now I know. There is not a chance in hell that I can take that trail to the top. At least that question has been answered for certain. I am glad that I braved the evil beast a second time, even if he destroyed me.
These were my adventures in working out. I think I'm far better at sipping MaiTai's on the beach!
