Wednesday, November 18, 2009

UGGHH, ARGHHH, and a whole lotta expletives!

I'm not sure what to think these days.    I am having a terrible month mentally.  I am feeling extremely down and frustrated, and I am just not sure what to do.  I think every other time I've been frustrated, I've been able to come up with a plan to get through it, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but just having a strategy has helped.  This time, I just don't know what to do.  Everything is either staying right where it is or getting worse.  Zero improvement since January.  Ok, I'll give ya the 8 or 9 lbs on the deadlift, but that is about it.  I don't know if I've repressed frustration for 11 months and it's all hitting me, or if when I actually looked up my last PR's got to me mentally, or if it's that I am stagnating while everyone around me is going gangbusters.  Either way, I just don't know what to do. I hate the fact that when one of my friends gets a PR, one of the emotions I feel is jealousy.....that ain't right, and it's not who I want to be.  In everything else I've done, I've always hit a point and ended up wallowing in mediocrity.  Maybe that's my fear....with no improvement, I will end up in the usual state of mediocrity, and I don't want to be there.  This is something I want to be successful at, be it the weight loss aspect or the performance.  If I can't have one, I want the other, and I don't feel like I'm getting enough of either right now.  
I'm only adding this, so that when I look back in a month, two, a year, etc. I know my mental state.  I know it's not helping anything,  I just need to find a way out of this rut, pull myself up by the bootstraps and move on.    That being said, here's the last couple of days:

Friday: Bench press 10-8-6-4-2  
10-115, 8-120, 6-125, 4-130, 2-140.   Tried 145 for 2, only got 1.  Tried 155 to match the PR, failure.  Did a set of negatives.  Not much to say here - unimpressive.

Monday: - 3 front squats - 115/145/165x2
                  3 shoulder presses  95/105/110
I thought I did ok these until I saw what I did last time, where I got 1 at 175 on the front squats and 2 at 110.  This was back in April.  That was a bit depressing.

Tuesday: "Heavy Helen"  
200 meter run
15 Kettlebell swings (24 kg)
9 weighted pullups (25 lbs)
3 rounds for time 
Huh.  Looking at this just now, I did it wrong and have been doing it wrong.  I swear it was 15/12/9 of the Kettlebell swings and pullups - which is how I did it.  I did the pullups in a red and mini band, dead hang.  Most got over the bar, mostly.  I finished it, doing it my way - in 15:30 - a full 6 minutes more than last time, but last time I was kipping the pullups.

Today:
Power cleans from the hang: 3-3-3    85/95/100
Power cleans from the floor: 3-3-3    100/110/115
Full oly cleans: 3-3-3     95/105/115
About the same as last time. I think the hang cleans may have been 5 lbs heavier.   Nothing fabulous.   Yes, I know form wise they look better....that's about all I can say. 

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