UGGHH, ARGHHH, and a whole lotta expletives!

I'm not sure what to think these days.    I am having a terrible month mentally.  I am feeling extremely down and frustrated, and I am just not sure what to do.  I think every other time I've been frustrated, I've been able to come up with a plan to get through it, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but just having a strategy has helped.  This time, I just don't know what to do.  Everything is either staying right where it is or getting worse.  Zero improvement since January.  Ok, I'll give ya the 8 or 9 lbs on the deadlift, but that is about it.  I don't know if I've repressed frustration for 11 months and it's all hitting me, or if when I actually looked up my last PR's got to me mentally, or if it's that I am stagnating while everyone around me is going gangbusters.  Either way, I just don't know what to do. I hate the fact that when one of my friends gets a PR, one of the emotions I feel is jealousy.....that ain't right, and it's not who I want to be.  In everything else I've done, I've always hit a point and ended up wallowing in mediocrity.  Maybe that's my fear....with no improvement, I will end up in the usual state of mediocrity, and I don't want to be there.  This is something I want to be successful at, be it the weight loss aspect or the performance.  If I can't have one, I want the other, and I don't feel like I'm getting enough of either right now.  
I'm only adding this, so that when I look back in a month, two, a year, etc. I know my mental state.  I know it's not helping anything,  I just need to find a way out of this rut, pull myself up by the bootstraps and move on.    That being said, here's the last couple of days:

Friday: Bench press 10-8-6-4-2  
10-115, 8-120, 6-125, 4-130, 2-140.   Tried 145 for 2, only got 1.  Tried 155 to match the PR, failure.  Did a set of negatives.  Not much to say here - unimpressive.

Monday: - 3 front squats - 115/145/165x2
                  3 shoulder presses  95/105/110
I thought I did ok these until I saw what I did last time, where I got 1 at 175 on the front squats and 2 at 110.  This was back in April.  That was a bit depressing.

Tuesday: "Heavy Helen"  
200 meter run
15 Kettlebell swings (24 kg)
9 weighted pullups (25 lbs)
3 rounds for time 
Huh.  Looking at this just now, I did it wrong and have been doing it wrong.  I swear it was 15/12/9 of the Kettlebell swings and pullups - which is how I did it.  I did the pullups in a red and mini band, dead hang.  Most got over the bar, mostly.  I finished it, doing it my way - in 15:30 - a full 6 minutes more than last time, but last time I was kipping the pullups.

Today:
Power cleans from the hang: 3-3-3    85/95/100
Power cleans from the floor: 3-3-3    100/110/115
Full oly cleans: 3-3-3     95/105/115
About the same as last time. I think the hang cleans may have been 5 lbs heavier.   Nothing fabulous.   Yes, I know form wise they look better....that's about all I can say. 

Turning tides??

 Here are the highlights of the last week - in amongst the various bench, deadlift, and squats at various weights for 3-5 reps.  I think I may be slowly coming out of my almost yearlong PR rut.  I could be wrong, but there have been some little improvements.
For instance we did:
Overhead Press - 1/1/1, Push Press 3/3/3, Push Jerk 5/5/5
Overhead Press - 110, 115, 120 ,  no change in max weight

Push Press - 125, 135, 145x2, there was anincrease on this one, 145 is a weight that I had failed on before, so although I only got in 2, I'm good with it.
Push Jerk - 125, 130, 135,  I took these slower - primarily because I wasn't uber-confident with the jump under aspect, but I did them, and I think I could have gone heavier.....

Oly lift total - This is 3 attempts at a 1 rep max on both Snatch and Clean and Jerk.
The last several times we have done this one, I ended up not going for a max, but working on form.  This time, I actually did go for 1 rep max, and although in the end, both lifts were heinously ugly, I got them, and they counted, hideous as they were.
Snatch - 85/95/100 - Like I said, I got them, but they weren't exactly pretty.
Clean & Jerk - 95/115/125.  I can't figure out why the Jerk is the easy part.  In theory, if I can jerk 135 or 140 lbs - I should be able to easily clean it up.  So what is my issue? I can't figure that one out.  Either way - the 125 is a PR - despite it's ugliness.
So overall - I got an Oly lift total of 225 hideous though it was.

Tonight we did a heavy metcon....a new heavy metcon straight from the demented mind of Jonathan.
4 rounds x 1 minute stations of:
- Overhead lunges (65#) - I got in 7-10 of these each round.  My right leg likes these far more than my left.  The left leg took alot of enticing to do what it needed to do - especially in that first round.  It did not want to do what my brain told it to!
- Pull-to-inverted-hangs - These were Jump to inverted hang.  I only got in 3-4 each round.  As the rounds went on, they became harder to do, because I was semi-nauseous from drinking a protein drink too close to workout time! OY!
- Ring dips - I did these on the rings with the red bands.  I think I got in 7-9 each round.
- Kettlebell swings (24 kg)- These were the money makers!! It kind of scares me a bit, but these did not feel all that heavy.  It was a bit freaky.  I was doing about 20 each round.  Except for the 3rd round, that wasn't such a good one.

Overall, round 1 - 44, round 2 - 44,  round 3 plummet to 35, round 4 - 38.
for a total of 161.

Not bad - I see potential for things turning on an upward swing......YAY!

Yikes!! A full week - let's test the memory!

Ok - BAD ELLEN!
I've been failing miserably at this...so here's a short synopsis of the last week.

Tuesday - we did Power cleans, kind of a functional focus.  Working on weight until form breaks down.  I actually did fairly well on these 95/100/105/110...110 is where my form started to fall apart.  The cure, I fear, might be a future of 115 lb cleans.....
I stayed after to do Annie.  Well, I did get 10 double unders in a row, but my feet paid the price.  My time ended up at about 15:34.  Well above my best time.   The bad news, I'm taking jump rope off for a bit, my left foot does not like jump rope one bit.

Wednesday was Bench......and I have no clue how I did.  It was unremarkable, as my bench has been lately  We followed that by 3 rounds of The Chief. (3 Power cleans, 6 Pushups, 9 Squats - as many rounds as possible in 3 minutes)  I ended up getting in 4/3/3, and I think there may have been some extra cleans in there, but I'm not positive.  I have this fond regard for the Chief...and I'm not sure why - the Chief kicks your butt something fierce! 

Friday- We did the ZAP workout - Zombie Attack Preparedness.  It was a mixed bag of fun done stations style.  Taking a sledgehammer to a Zombie's head (AKA sledgehammering a tire), whacking the head of a Zombie with a baseball bat (AKA hitting a punching bag with the bat), Swinging and kicking the head of a Zombie (kip and kick from the pullup bars), jumping on things to get away (AKA box jumps), and crawling through sewers to escape (AKA crawling under weight benches).  All the while kicking and screaming at the zombie attackers! Unconventional, yes.  A HOOTENANIE!  ABSOLUTELY!  It was a low key, fun time!

Saturday....was.  A full moon, hormonal typhoon came running through my system - the likes of which have been seen rarely.   We did backsquats.  Lots and lots of backsquat.  The storm erupted just after failing at 225 for the 2nd time.  225.....that is 10 lbs below my PR, and I couldn't get it.  That is when the whollop came....No PR's on anything in months......many, many months.  Then the WTF feeling of miser descended....why was I working so hard, changing my diet, being very good about everything...and my butt is still here, and to make matters worse, I seem to be getting weaker!! The haystack blew, and a mess ensued. It was ugly.....I cannot lie.    By Sunday, I was sick of the pity party, so I started telling myself to put up or shut up. 

Monday - a new day, and I really hoped I could master the emotional side with the mental side!  I went in with a new mindset. Did it work?? Yes and no.  Yes, I was able to workout without busting into an emotional hissy fit.  No, it didn't really help me do any better when lifting.
We did Bench Press - I did 5x115/ 125/ 130  then  3x 135, 2 x 140 fail on 2rd  twice (I may have only gotten one in on the last set, I don't remember for sure). Then we did one and a halfs. This was a new thing on bench. I started at 95 lbs. That was a tad bit on the light side, so the next two sets were at 115. The good news - despite the numbers above - up until I wrote them down, I was doing bad barbell math, so thought I was having issues with 130 lbs.  A good 25 lbs below my PR, and I still didn't fall victim to the full moon tears that seem to be striking women everywhere.  So, when I realized my bad barbell math, I was downright...not happy - but relieved that I don't suck as bad as I thought!

Tonight- we did  Heavy CrossFit Stations #2 - Three rounds
- Pull-to-inverted hang - In my case, it's Jump to inverted hang.  Round 1, I got in 6, round 2 - 4, round 3 -5
- Box jumps (20") - These were ok - I'm slow on the 20" box - I ended up getting in about 10-12 per round
- Weighted Pullups (25) - HA! Gotta be able to do a pullup before I add weight!  So these were dead hang in a red and a mini band. Well - I got a couple all the way over - but not as many as I would have liked.  As far as the ones that I counted, it was 3-4 each round.
- Thrusters (95#)  - I'm just gonna say it - these were kinda sucky after everything else!! I should be used to these by now....but they were kinda difficult.  Go figure!  I got in 7 or 8 of these each round. 
- KB Swings (24 kg)  - these were the money makers.  This is where I made up for lost time. I got in 14 or 15 each time. ...and don't be fooled this sucker is heavy!  I think it's 53 lbs to be exact!

Total score round 1 - 46, round 2 - 42, round 3 - 44 for a total of 132.  Not bad for a total ass-kicker of a workout! It was good - but difficult!

Squatting and lifting and getting up again...

On Tuesday we did a warm up with Mini-Cindy, so the night took off with 10 minutes of 5 pullups, 10 pushups and 15 squats.  I managed to run through this, and don't think I did too-too shabby.  Not a world record by any means, but I did get in a total of 6 full rounds plus the pullups and 7 pushups of the 7th round. PHEW! That's a warmup that'll bust your ass! We then moved onto practice of the Handstand push up and Pistols.  We did a couple rounds - for the HSPU's final round we were to go to a level that was challenging but do-able for 5.  I went a big Green and blue.    In retrospect, I probably should have gone with double blues.  It's strange though, I was green and green last time we HSPU's - of course, we had tireflips and front squats thrown in...so I guess that isn't really the same thing.

Wednesday we did Back Squats - 5/5/5/5/5.  I don't know that I really even want to write down the scores.  My squats are off... I'll just leave it at that.  Of course, I'm not leaving it at that.....
I have to record, even my sad days.  I did 145/165/175/175/165   I just couldn't get them looking good.  My knees were all akimbo, but I think I was doing better at not relaxing at the bottom.  Just not the best squat day overall.

Thursday -Turkish Get-up for weight.  My Turkish Get-up Mo-jo has got up and run!  I thought this was going to be my 75lb barbell night.  Alas, the evil demons that destroy balance were all at play.  I started with the 45 lb barbell.  Then 65.  Then I tried the 75....and my wrists wouldn't hold it steady.  It wasn't necessarily the TGU part that gave me a rough time - it was the bar balancing.  So, I went to the cannonball balancing overhead for the last one.  It was the 32kg kettlebell, and I did that no problem..  Although the boys tried to talk me into the 80lb KB...I must admit, I may have been able to do it, but just looking at that sucker got into my head - there was no way in hell.  I had brief, flashing images of a face devastated by a kettlebell bigger than my head.   So, I wussed.

Saturday was Deadlifts.  Sets of 5.  I did  185/215/235/255/285...Holy crap - I just did 285 for 5?? Okay -lets try for 310 for 3.  BAHAHAHAHA! That was a bit ambitious - actually, I think I just had nothing in me.  I didn't even get it up for one.  Ah well, I think next time it will be there, as long as I don't do 5 at a ridiculously heavy weight just prior.

Tonight was back squats 5/5/5, front squats 3/3/3.  Back squats I did 165, 185, 195.  Apparently, my knee buckling wasn't really apparent until the 195 - so that's an improvement over last time.  Front squats - I totally sandbagged the first round at 95lbs.  I then faced the fact that I was indeed not pulling my weight...so I went to 145.   ....and 155 I got in two, then failed the third....went back and got it, but it was ugly.  Front squat = Not so good.

I have adjusted my goals though.  Rather than a number - my goal before the next competition is:
Squat - 1.5 times bodyweight
Benchpress - bodyweight
Deadlift - 2 times bodyweight.


Currently my squat is about 1-1/8 bodyweight, bench- 3/4 bodyweight, and Deadlift 1.5 x bodyweight.  So, I'm kind of almost there, just need the weights to go up a bit and the other weight to go down.

lift, and press, and squat and hoist...

Thursday 5,000 lbs floor-to-overhead - I debated on this one whether to completely toss aside the time element and increase the level of difficulty by doing full squat cleans and overhead presses.  My initial thought was at 85 lbs - but in reality, I was pretty sure there was no way I was getting in 59 strict presses at 85 lbs.    Then I thought maybe I would go the 65 lbs route, but I did a couple full squat cleans, and I was not feeling the squat clean love.  After all the debate in my head,  I ended up doing 50 power clean & jerks at 100 lbs.  Time was not spectular, but not terrible.  I finished in 12:31 - about a minute longer than when I did 59 at 85 lbs.

Friday was squats/box squats for Gettin' stronger.  I haven't a clue what I did.  I lifted, and it was heavy, somehow, for some reason, that's about all I remember.  I think I ended with 5 reps at 185, but I can't really tell ya for sure!  Because I had just taken a week off, I decided to stay so that I could get a weeks worth of workouts in about 36 hours.  The regular workout was one straight from the twisted mind of our dear coach, Jonathan.  This Crossfit beauty was:
200 m run
25 pullups
50 kb swings (16 kg)
25 dips
50 lunges
25 knees-to-elbows
50 situps
25 Wallball shots (16 lbs)
50 box jumps (16")
Everyone starts with the run, from there, it can be done in any order.  We started with the run, or in my case, the wog.  After that it was box jumps, 50 box jumps is a plethora of them, in case you didn't realize it....  After box jumps  I went to sit ups.  I figured it would be a decent place to catch my breath.  After the situps it's all kind of a blur - I know at one point I was thinking I would do all the 50's, then I looked, and the dawning realization came to me.  This was a bad idea.  There is alot of really hard stuff in the 25 category! So I mixed it up.  Not sure what order I did them, I know I started with box jumps, and ended with the Kettlebell swings.  The middle is a blur... My end time was 22:something.  When I went to write it up, I had the initial thought that "oh goodie, the only thing modified was my pullups"...Ummm -no.  I forgot the blue banded dips, the KTE's which were nothing but jump, and of course the pullups which are perpetually a blue mark for me.

Saturday was 2 hours of Bench - sets of 5.  I started big, although, I should have been able to do it no problem, my bench was a bit on the weak side. I started at 135 - only got in 4, then went down, to 115, 120, 125, 130.  Afterwards we did some narrow grip benching - which is odd. I ended at 115, which seemed to be about the right weight for me.  I'm not sure why my bench feels perpetually off, but it's been a really long time - probably close to a year since I've felt a really good bench press day.

Tonight was Deadlift - 5/4/3/2/1    Deadlifts felt heavy tonight.  Shocking, I know.   I started at 225 for 5, then 245 for 4, 265 for 3, then I went to 275 for 2, and my head popped in.  The little game my brain plays with me at 275....I couldn't do it, I would get it off the floor, then feel the slightest hint of my back rounding, and down the weight goes.  I ended up throwing on a weight belt and lifted it no problem.  It was ridiculous!!  However, I think I may have to belt up at the 270/275 weight for a while, until I get over this mental block.  I belted in, and did 1 rep at 300.  Not easy, but really, not that difficult.  Like I said the 275 mental block is ridiculous, and I know it.   I really need to work the DL's a bit harder if I'm going to be using a belt.  In my head, I should be able to do 350 right now if I really tried.  I really want 400 by the next time I compete.  If little tiny Heena can do it, so can I!!-

whoops - never posted...

It dawned on me after Wednesday's workout that since the competition, I don't think I've been putting my all into things quite as much as I should be.  I don't think I've necessarily been sandbagging, I think I've simply let alot of things get in my head.  The back strain, and whole slew of other mental BS that is my issue that I need to get over.
However, I had not quite come to this conclusion when we did Wednesday's workout, and it suffered in large part due to the mental crap...and possibly it was also just a bad lift day.  The push part of this is Bench press - 3 rounds of 3 reps for weight.  I did 135 / 145x1 /140x2 - pure suckage when you consider my 1 rep max is 155.  LAME!!   Deadlift, I did 225/255/275.  275 is the weight that mentally says "Bite me!" ...but I got 3 in.  Again - with a 1 rep PR of 308 - these should be higher.  I think that's what struck me on my way home - I feel like I've stopped "going for it". 

Thurs - Stations # 2, which is Pullups, Wallball (16#), Slamball (16#), Sit ups and Box jumps.   3 rounds, 1 minute at each station.  Pullups I did in one blue band, with all the band set up, it was just going to be easiest, and I think it equates about the same as red+mini.  I did test though to be sure I could do a dead hang in it before the workout - rules is rules don't ya know!  I knew I scored pretty high last time, at 275, so I was gonna have to push it.
Round 1- 100  - what?  I have never scored 100 in a round before....ever.  This was something new...
Round 2 - 102 - again, 100??....AND I  went up in round 2?? I think this is another first!
Round 3 - 91 - ok - this time, I held true to my usual form.  But 91 ain't shabby!!
My total score was 293...7 measly reps away from 300.  DRATS! That would have been beautiful! But I think I did pretty darn good anyway!  Nice improvement, and I did go for it on this one.  Of course, I wouldn't have come close without the situps.....The situps took me there.

Today - a new one.  It's like a bright shiny new toy! Only this one wasn't so fun.  It was an ass-kicker through and through.   8 tire flips / 6 Handstand pushups / 4 front squats (125#), now here's the real kicker - 5 rounds for time, 20 minute cutoff. It was me and Jonathan.  I wanted to use the upside-down-rubber-band contraption (using green and green), we tried it - CRAP! I could not kick up into the handstand without assistance (I need to work on that, in a big way!!)  So I went first, using the girl tire (the big girl tire, not the little girl tire).  Ironically, the tireflips were the easiest part - they winded the hell out of me, and I will have bruises from the 40 flips..but in this whole thing - they were the easiest and least painful!  Let me just say this about handstand pushups after doing 8 tireflips - if it's possible to catch your breath upside down, I haven't figured out how to do it.  Short of breath, upside down, trying to breath and do a handstand pushup - just an ugly combination.    I ended up getting through them all - but they weren't pretty, I thought I was gonna collapse at several junctures, and my range of motion was rather pathetic - especially at the end.  From the handstand pushups - we go to the front squats.  125 should be heavy - but it's pretty far from my PR, so it shouldn't be too much of an issue. What I did not take into consideration was the toll the tire flips took on my legs and the HSPU's took on my arms.  To say the front squats were painful would not be an exaggeration.  Legs, really didn't want to squat, and arms, really did not want to go up.  The sad part, we were only doing 4 of them, but it felt like 14.  I swear I almost dropped the bar several time, in the last round, there's not doubt, it was sliding off the sweat.  In the end, I DID actually complete all 5 rounds under the time limit - barely under, but it was under. My final time was 19:56.  Despite it's misery, I have to admit, I really like the heavy metcons, I think they are doing their magic, if I just let them, and get out of my head.
Oh one other thing took me by surprise, so I just have to comment on it!  I was reading all my various usual stops...on one of them, the writer has been doing Crossfit for 2 years, and just did her first snatches with a barbell.  I found that very odd, but it makes me uber-glad that my gym doesn't fear the barbell, sheesh how boring to do all of these with KB's and dumbbells all the time!! I would hate that!

back in the saddle

Saturday was a FANTASTIC day!! We did one of the all time funnest workouts ever, yes, that would be  the redneck fantasy workout of  Yoke walkin' car pushin' & tire flippin'!!  Pure fun! After playin' around a bit, and testing each one out, we did the course for time!  Before going into how I did, let me mention a couple things: 1. The yolk walkin' course is longer and 2. Although you can't see it, there is definitely more of an uphill on the car pushin', and I believe it might be a hair bit longer.
Believe me or not about the uphill and distance, fact of the matter is, I as well as everyone else, added a good 2 minutes to our previous times. Yoke walkin' I did with a 24kg kettlebell attached to each side.  Although the distance was longer, I think my time for that was still ok, probably a little over a minute.  Then came the car pushin'.  From the post to the last cone - first direction - not so bad, a bit long, but not terrible.   Then the other direction. This is where the shoe drops, and those very large hills, invisible to the naked eye, come out to play.  Car pushin' is where I spent the vast majority of my time.  I actually had to push the opposite way, with my butt on the car  for a while. OY! It really was a sleeper hill - you don't know it's there until it jumps out and grabs ya!  Tire flippin', I did the girl tire -2 up 2 back - not a huge issue.  Total time was 5:04.  Yep, just checked, at the old place, I finished in 3:02 - that is definitely a full 2 minutes added, not to mention, that I only had to do 2 tire flips each way this time instead of 3.  I'm telling ya - the level of difficulty was much higher on the car push!!  Either way - this workout still rocks!! 

Monday - Heavy Helen.  I LOVE this version of Helen. The weighty girls are so much better!
Heavy Helen is 200m run, 15 KB swings 24kg, and 9 pullups weighted (ok, for me in the bands, go figure!!)  3 rounds for time.  I did this using a mini and a red, probably should have gone a bit lighter, I just wasn't certain about my strength with the tail end of this cold and not having done pullups in a week.  The run was ok....my heel/plantar fascitis (my diagnosis) thingy was hurting a bit so I was running like a lopsided fool.  But I did it, then I powered through the swings - on these, I went to my happy place, so that I could just get through 15.  Then came the pullups. I did them in sets of 3 or 4.   I ended up finishing in 9:25, taking a minute off my last time.  So this was good - but I think I need to take some of the bands off for the pullups next time.

Today was Powercleans.  The uber frustrating powercleans.  I started slow on these, because form is always an issue.  I concentrated pretty hard on the "keep  your arms straight" part, trying to avoid the whole "you're pulling too early" thing that I usually hear.  I started at 75 - and heck if I didn't get a "pretty good"...huh?  really?? ok - so that was a light weight.  Next 95 lbs.  What did you say?? Do I need to clean my ears out? because that sure didn't sound like "too early"....Holy moly, what is this wave coming over me?? This fabulousness that says "by George, I think she's got it!!"???  I knew that feeling for a fleeting moment tonight.  Then we added weight, and I jumped right into 115.   Apparently my first one was ok - but it was heavier than I anticipated, and I acknowledged that weight.  That's when the weight beat me.  It got in my head and after several attempts, I managed to knock out 2 more really messy ugly ones.  Next round - went back down to 100 - these were good.  Then back up slowly - 105, I got in one decent one, the next two, I did some weird landing.  I think I need to start working these at 105 now.....since that seems to be where I lose form.   On the plus side, all of the 95 lbs Thrusters, Cleans and everything else I've been doing seem to have helped the form overall.  So that's good!!